40. Old Friends

 Ben Rector said it best...

“You can grow up, and make new ones

But truth is there's nothing like old friends

'Cause you can't make old friends

And I've got some good friends now

But I've never seen their parents' back porch

I wouldn't change how things turned out

But there's no one in this time zone

Who knows what inline skates that I wore

Can you take me back when we were just kids

Who weren't scared of getting older? 

'Cause no one knows you like they know you

And no one probably ever will

You can grow up, make new ones

But the truth is

That we grow up, then wish we could go back then

There's nothing like old friends 

'Cause you can't make old friends”

I sit here on a boat grinning from ear to ear between laughs surrounded by old friends. These are not just any old friends, they’re “The Family”. Any one of them can tell you handfuls of stories of what has made me into the man I am today. To my left, Matt is feet up and head down nearly asleep as the rest of the crew is making playful jabs back and forth telling old and new stories. Max and Trent are sitting kicked back on the bench across from me scheming up something that the rest of us can’t hear but will be sure to see come to fruition at our expense in the moments to come. Having been roommates with Max for the better part of two years gave us many late night conversations discussing all the finer and many times more sticky situations life brings. We still to this day call them “Blue Chair Conversations.” Anytime we need to hash something out we often reference the 1960’s baby blue cushioned chair we used to sit in back in the day as those late night convos flowed. To my right Alex, now Alex Lambert, leans up against Annamarie as they drill me with questions of a recent date I went on. However, their questions turn into more advising me of where I went wrong and telling me what I should have said or should have done. They play the sister role to a “T”. There are only a few women who have earned the right to give me a mixture of hounding and correction and they are two of them. The only person in the room I’ve known longer than Alex is Matt. Meeting Matt roughly fifteen years ago in high school we have more stories together than I can count. He brought Alex around for the first time almost ten years ago and there are mixed stories floating around but the truth is that I married them over a seafood dinner nearly two years ago now. Yessir, you’re reading the writings of an ordained minister in the state of California. 

If I added up the years of friendship between the six of us, I’m looking at somewhere near fifty years of friendship between them and I. And that’s not even including another eight years of friendship with Jeremy who didn’t make it out on this trip but is also a member of “The Family”. Naturally, his wife is incredible and she’s been adopted in the family. So that adds several more years to the total. Needless to say, we’ve all been friends for somewhere between half and one third of our lifetimes to date. 

One of the greatest desires of human beings is be known. It’s a better gift than gold. When we meet people we want to grow close to, we tell them about ourselves and share with them experiences we’ve had during our lifetime. We do this to try and explain who we are and what makes us, us. This is all fine an dandy and not to be overlooked. But there are a few people who know you based off years of being by your side, having lived those stories with you. Years of being neighbors. Years of exploring together. Years of sharing meals together. Years of being stupid together. Years of watching Sunday afternoon football together. Years of making breakfasts, brunches, lunches, and dinners together. Years of laughting and crying together. Years of traveling to Austin, New Orleans, Tahoe, St. Louis, Nashville, Denver, Miami, Atlanta, Portland, Las Angelas, Oklahoma City, Dallas, Santa Barbara, Central America, and even overseas together. There’s a different level of being known when you can sit across from friends and without saying a word, be known. It takes time. It takes walking through through different life stages together. It takes hotel rooms, rental cars, Uber rides, and lost luggage adventures. It takes learning how to share sushi between five lions and not fight over it. It takes eating street food together not knowing exactly what it is you’re even eating. It takes pushing the limits of life and death together.  

There may be other ways of creating this level of being known, but this is how it happened for me. You don’t choose your blood family. But you do get to choose your friends. I’ve been blessed beyond measure with not only my family, but also the friends I have in my life. I don’t think I could have written it out any better than how it’s come to fruition. To that, I give God the glory.

The best advice I can give anyone who is wanting to build closer friendships, is to go travel and cook food side by side with the people you want to become close to. Go to cities you’ve never been to. Try cooking things you’ve never cooked before. Share new experiences, get into a little bit of mischief, don’t be afraid to dive into deep meaningful conversation, travel, eat, and dance together. That is the recipe for rich friendships. And if you’re lucky, you’ll be doing those same things with the same people come two years, and then five years, and ten years, and then you have “old friends”. That’s how it happened for me.